This Morning, I Was THAT Mom

Photo Credit

It started out to be a good morning, except that I was tired (as usual) because both my monkeys woke up with nightmares last night and I was up at three o'clock and four o'clock. But aside from that (or maybe I should have seen that as a sign) things were going well. I got my son up for his summer camp (which is a special day camp, through his school, that he is going to this summer), and he was in a good mood. He was eager to go, and I was eager to get him out of the house so I could get some house work done (as much as I can do anyways, with my four year old daughter at home). And then I made a fatal mistake, when the girls came to pick him up (yes, I am super lucky, they pick him up) I told them about a book that he's been reading at the school that isn't age appropriate (it's super violent and he's only six). I let them know I didn't want him to read it anymore, and he lost it. He threw the biggest tantrum and refused to go to camp. The girls were waiting on the front steps for me to rein my son in and get him to calm down so he could go, and he wouldn't. Instead he was hitting me and saying horrible things, and causing a huge scene. I tried to keep my cool, but it's hard. I told him that he doesn't want to miss camp, he doesn't want to miss out on seeing his friends and all of the fun they were going to have today, but he wasn't having any of it. Instead he just refused and proceeded to be difficult. I finally had to send him to his room and say that, fine he wouldn't go but if he stayed home he'd have the most boring day ever with no TV, no computer, no anything.

He stomped up to his room and I told the girls I couldn't make him go. I was so embarrassed and frustrated that I started to cry (there it is). The girls were great and super understanding and they even said if he changed his mind and wanted to go, that they would come back for him (which is pretty amazing). I thanked them and of course apologized profusely. After I closed the door I sat on the stairs and really let the flood gates open, I started to bawl. Not only did these ladies see me lose it (cry), and see my son's big tantrum, but they probably also saw my messy house while they were waiting at the door. I hate being THAT mom, the one with the child that doesn't behave, the one with the child that talks back to adults and throws tantrums in public. What a crappy way to start the day. Of course not even two minutes later my son came crying down the stairs and said "I do want to go, I change my mind." But they had already left, so I had to call the school to get them to come back. And they did, they came and got him and I was thankful, but also still totally embarrassed.

I know I shouldn't be embarrassed, the people at my son's school see this kind of thing all of the time. You see, my son goes to a special school for kids with behavior issues, and my son has a few. He's just recently been diagnosed with ADHD, and he also has Sensory Integration Disorder which can affect his behavior, and he also has Stereotypic Movement Disorder, which most people have never even heard of. I don't talk about this stuff very often. When you look at my son, you wouldn't know that he has these issues. He's a good looking kid, who's bright, personable, outgoing and very chatty. But if he gets upset, look out, he just can't control his emotions yet. It's something we are working on, we his parents, and his school. There has been much improvement over the past year, which is encouraging, but these things take time. I am hoping that when he's older, life won't be so difficult, I'm hoping he will have mellowed and matured to a level where he can deal with life's problems better.

For now I take things one day at a time. For now I sometimes have to be THAT mom, the one who can't control her kid and gets emotional from the level of stress that accompanies these kinds of situations. For now I just have to try and suck it up and deal, and also try to remember that there are sometimes better, more strategic ways of getting things done (like I could have phoned the school about that particular book and they would have just made it go away, without my son even knowing that I told them he can't read it. Then that outburst would not have even happened and I would not be writing this post right now).

So there is my rant about my difficult morning. As I was writing this I was reminded of a post I read awhile back, by Shell at Things I Can't Say. She was talking about her morning of being THAT mom (a different kind of THAT, but still THAT nonetheless). I remember chuckling and thinking that I have been there too. There are so many ways to be embarrassed as a mom. It's as if becoming a parent is an immediate enrollment into the embarrassing moments club, to teach us about humility and make us more humble. I know I am a member, how about you?

How Many Times Will I Have To Do This In My Life?

Having children means that you have to do a lot of cleaning. I mean A LOT! Actually, CONSTANT is a better word. Because if you want your house to be as clean as those pre-kid days, you'd have to be cleaning day and night. Or maybe it's just me. I clean up a room and it's like the children have clean room radar. I can almost hear the little dee-dee-dee-dee sound of said radar going off in their heads. "Room is clean... Room is clean... Must rectify" *said in a robot voice, of course* and they immediately go right behind me and mess it up again. So sometimes I ask myself (about specific cleaning tasks), how many times will I have to do this in my life?

It first started out with questions like:
- How many times will I have to clean baby poop (or pee) off of the carpet, my clothes, the car seats or any place where poop can leak, squirt, or ooze onto?
- How many times will I have to clean spit up, or barf, or drool off of those same things?

Photo Credit

Then it became:
- How many times will I have to clean up spilled or thrown baby foods off the floors and walls?
- How many times will I have to clean mushed up bananas, avocado, carrots, peas, pasta, etc. out of this d@mn high chair (because it had so many weird, little crevices that made it so hard to get clean)?

Mind you, I didn't mind cleaning up this cute face of course, it was just the darned high chair that bugged me.

And a little later it was (and still is):
- How many times will I have to vacuum up crushed crackers and cookies from the backseat of our car?
- How many times will I have to get on my freakin' hands and knees and clean up spilled juice (that you have to go over a bunch of times, otherwise it's sticky for days)?

Photo Credit

And now it's:
- How many times will I have to put back the couch cushions, and pillows, and blankets after the monkeys have made forts, or beds for their stuffies, or have just decided to throw everything everywhere just for the fun of it?
- How many times will I sweep up crumbs that get tracked to every corner of the house, because my kids do not understand the meaning of "please eat that at the table, don't walk around the house eating food!"?
- How many times in my life will I have to pick up little game pieces, or Polly Pocket doll clothes, or other teeny tiny toy parts (that toy companies seem to love to include in toys these days), that are scattered all over the house? Does every little girl toy for ages 3-8 have to include beads, or sequins, or tiny shoes, or tiny combs and brushes, or small elastics, or teensy barrettes? Why so many freakin' accessories? Does my daughter really need all of this kind of crap?

Photo Credit

Anyways, I am not trying to whine over here, I just want to legitimately know, how many times? A hundred? A thousand? A hundred thousand? Inquiring minds want to know. Then maybe I can steel myself for that number and say every once in a while, only fifty more times to go, and I'll never have to do this again. Though I'm betting that when that day happens I'll be crying about how my kids are all grown up, and where did the time go, and oh they grow up so fast! Because really I don't want to speed up time and I don't want them to grow up yet. I guess I just wish had a magic wand or that special nose twitch from Bewitched, to magically make it all clean. That would be just perfect.

Which kid messes are you tired of cleaning up? Do you wonder any of these very same questions? Or do you have different ones, perhaps?

Oh, and here is one mess I never thought I'd have to clean up. Thankfully, I only ever had to deal with it once. My son had gotten a hold of a crayon and decided to chew on it and turn it into a crayon paste while I was making dinner. He wasn't even two at the time. I didn't know crayon could be turned into a paste, but now I know. It can!

Worst Concert Performance Ever

After reading a post by Melinda of Finding the Humor, she got me thinking about my childhood. Then I started thinking about when I was a teenager. And then, because Melinda and I share a common thread of liking old school hip hop (I found this out while commenting on a post of hers), I started thinking about some of the awesome concerts I went to when I was in my teens and early twenties. Like Digable Planets and Beastie Boys and Pharcyde, to name a few. And that then made me think of the worst concert performance I ever saw.

It was the summer of 1994, and I was 18. For my best friend's birthday, I bought her and I concert tickets to Reggae on the Island, a weekend festival in Ladysmith, BC (on Vancouver Island). I had gone the year before and had such a good time, that I really wanted to go again. So we packed up our camping gear, took many buses and the ferry over, and camped all weekend long. We had a blast, there were lots of great performances and we basically danced the whole time. But one of, if not the main reason we went, was because we both loved Maestro Fresh Wes. He was one of the headliners to perform and we were super excited. We loved him so much, we'd listen to his album, "Symphony in Effect", all the time. We even made up our own lyrics to one of the songs, "Just Swingin" (yes, we were silly teenage girls, doing silly teenage girl things, always).

Anyways, when Maestro came on, we were right up front, so we could see everything. And like I said, we were super excited. Until he started singing. He was doing "Let Your Backbone Slide", except he was lip-syncing! He had the exact song from the album playing and he was jumping and dancing around pretending he was singing it live, but it was so totally and utterly obvious that he wasn't. And then the lamest thing ever happened (even lamer than the lip-syncing, if you can believe it), he stopped singing (or pretending to sing) halfway through, and the song kept going for another thirty seconds. He stood there until someone turned it off and then he said something ridiculous like, sorry I have to go. And then him and his buddy hopped off stage and didn't even leave! They just stood around chatting to people in front of the stage for like ten minutes! So the crowd that payed good money to see him, got half a lip-synced song. Worst performance ever!

I got a little vindication for this a few years ago. My hubby has a good friend who is actually friends with Maestro (small world, I know) and they were hanging out with him, and a bunch of people, at Lucy Mae Brown (an old lounge/restaurant in Van), one night. To make a long story short, I guess he (my hubby's friend) said something to Maestro about that old concert. I don't know what was said, or what his response was, I just know that someone gave him a hard time about it for me. It's a small justice, but I'll take it.

I decided to dig up some old pics from that concert and scan them. The quality isn't that great, but, oh well. You can even see in the back ground that there is no one playing any instruments and there's no DJ or anything.

I don't know why he's carrying a towel around, it's not like he worked up a sweat performing half a song. Maybe he has an excessive sweating problem or something. Actually, maybe that's why he had to go.

And here's one of the crowd, just for fun. We really did have a great time though, regardless of the Maestro debacle. All the other performers were great, and we met lots of fun people on the trip too.

I'll leave you with a little question, what is the worst concert performance you've ever seen? I'd love to read some great stories.

Sorry Kids, We're Staying In Today

We (my two monkeys and I) spent the last three gloriously sun-filled days, at various different parks and events in Vancouver, and basically weren't home at all. We had one three hour play-date at a friend's school playground on Wednesday, a park play-date and later school carnival on Thursday and another afternoon park play-date and then evening drop in gym play-date at a community center yesterday. So I said to my kids this morning (since it is raining, and I'm exhausted) we're going to stay in today. Then hopefully I can get some cleaning and work done. But I'm thinking that those last three days were maybe too much fun, and have now set a high bar with the kids.

I've been busy all morning (after sleeping in a little, of course) trying to get some stuff done (since I've barely been home over the last three days, to do much housework) and the monkeys have maybe been watching a little too much TV. Then my daughter said something to make me think... you know you're too busy for your kids (and maybe ignoring them a little too much) when... your four year old daughter says, out of the blue, "it's boring at home," while watching Sesame Street. I've never heard her say anything like that before. My 6 year old son, on the other hand, he says "I'm bored" all the time, but has a bazillion toys that he barely ever plays with. I expect it from him, but not her. I guess she's growing up too. Is she going to start giving me attitude soon and say stuff like, "why should I listen to you?" Because if she does, I think I might cry.

Please don't grow up too fast!!!

Parenting - The Balancing Act

Being a mom is all about balance, or at least you hope you can find some. Today I met up with a good mom friend of mine, Kyra, of The Scribe's Desk, and while our kids played at the school playground (for almost 3 hours!) we chatted. Of course there were many interruptions, like "mom I want a snack" and "mom help me" (the four year old was stuck up high on the monkey bars), but we did get to talk a lot. We talked about life and parenting and blogging, and the many difficulties of balancing everything. And it's funny how after about an hour we said to the kids, "five more minutes" and then ended up staying and chatting for almost two more hours, we were enjoying the conversation that much!

Sometimes it feels like we give up everything we are to be parents, and have nothing left for ourselves. With all of the cooking (I despise dinnertime), cleaning (arg dishes, my nemesis), juggling appointments (school, doctors, lessons and veterinarian), grocery shopping, yard work, and looking after the kidlets, it's hard to find time for anything else. And then on special days, we get to see our friends and be outside and it all feels good again. I know I go through little phases of not being social or being too busy to meet up with people, and we rarely have anyone over (I think that's because my house just always seems too messy to have company and I don't have the time or energy to keep up with it all) and being a stay at home mom starts to feel isolating and stressful. But then I get to do park play dates (now that that the warm weather is here, yay!) or specially planned girls' nights out and I feel whole again.

I have come to realize over the years, that I am a very social person, and I need those adult interactions and conversations to feel sane. There is only so much answering kids questions, mediating kids arguments, playing kids games and reading children's books that one person can handle before they start to feel a little crazy. And when hubby comes home from work and he's too tired to talk because he's been talking to clients all day (or if he's been gone for half a week on business) well that doesn't help any. So thank you to the all of friends that break up the hustle and bustle and housewife monotony, and help provide balance in my life. They remind me to slow down and think about myself once in a while, and that in turn enables me to be a better parent.

Photo Credit

Stressed Out

Ever feel like you don't want to write anymore? I don't know what happened or exactly when, but something clicked in me this week and I am seriously considering stopping my blog. I think I over worked myself and put such high expectations on what I was doing that I am feeling a little burnt out. It became a bit too addictive, the surfing, researching, tweeting, and trying to figure out what I should post about next. I was always wondering, should I write something mommy centered, environment centered, something funny? I am sure all bloggers go through this, what to write, should I write, is my content any good? Don't get me wrong, I like blogging and it really is a creative outlet that I am enjoying, but should it feel like work? Should I feel guilt if I haven't written in a few days or a week? Does anyone even care about what I am writing? I know it's my blog and I can pretty much write about what ever I want, but I do want it to be interesting. I think every writer has a feeling of wanting to be liked and wanting their work to be enjoyed by others, including me.

I went through some things this week that were more important than being on the computer, things that I didn't want to talk or write about. I felt the serious pull of real life problems and issues that made me feel like being on the computer was the last place in the world I wanted to be. The stress of the real life stuff (my sick cat who needed surgery, there you have it) and the guilt of not blogging made me feel so stressed out that I was wondering, what am I doing? Why has blogging become so important that I need to feel guilty about it? Maybe I am just one of those people that needs to feel guilty about everything. I know as a parent I certainly feel that way. But does it really need to spill into my creative outlet?

So I am going to take things a little more slowly. I don't know when I'll write, or if I'll even continue, but it's good to get this off of my chest. I need to feel a little less stressed out and a little more calm. If I take a some time to figure it all out without any pressure or guilt maybe I can reorganize my life to fit it all in, but as it stands right now, it's all just a little too much.

Photo Credit

Do You Get PVCs?

I bet many of you don't know what that means. Some of you may be saying isn't that a type of plastic? The kind of PVCs I mean are Premature Ventricular Complexes, which are a type of heart palpitation that many people get once in awhile and most people don't feel. It's basically when your heart has an extra beat. For those that don't feel them it isn't too much of a bother (unless they are caused by some "underlying heart condition"). For those that do feel them it can feel awful, like as if you are having a heart attack. I started getting them about 10 years ago and they were very few and far between. When I first felt one I was very confused because I didn't know what was happening. I was just sitting on the couch watching TV and then boom out of nowhere my heart had a big thump/gush kind of feeling. It was so weird. It was almost like my heart was going to fall out of my chest. I had a few more of those in the following days and decided to see my doctor. She had me do a holter test, where they hook you up to a little portable machine, with electrodes attached to various places all over your chest, and you wear it for 24 hours. During that time you write a little diary of everything you did and at precisely what time, so that they can look at your heart activity. Anyways nothing showed up and my doctor said that it was probably nothing, and that women can have heart palpitations from time to time, and not to worry. So I didn't worry, because really I had so few that it wasn't too bothersome. 

Fast forward to last year and they started coming more often. I was having 10 or more of these episodes a day. So again I went to a doctor and had another holter monitor test done. At every time that I charted one of these episodes (those ones that feel like my heart isn't working properly and that something is wrong with it, like my heart is dropping out of my chest or I am having a heart attack) they noted a PVC. I had probably 8 that day. The doctor said it was fine and that they were just PVCs and not to worry. She was nice enough to explain them to me and how they worked and that some people feel them and others don't, but really not to worry. 

So now I know what they are, these strange things that happen to me, that make me feel dizzy, and lightheaded, and really out of sorts, and are actually kind of scary. I certainly don't like them, but if I only have them once in a while they are manageable. And really they come and go. I go whole weeks without them sometimes, and sometimes I have a bunch one day, and none the next. 

Fast forward again to three days ago. I started getting a lot of them, like 5-10 a minute for many hours, I had been told by my doctor that if you suddenly get lots of them that you should go to the hospital. So I did. While at the hospital my left arm started to go all numb and tingly too, which was also scary because isn't that another sign of a heart attack? They hooked me up to some machines and did a few tests, took some blood and sent me home soon after. Said it was those PVCs again. 

Fine, but how can I feel like this? If my heart feels like it's not working right and it feels like there is a problem, why is it lying to me? And why is it progressively getting worse? I've read on some threads, out there on the internet, of many others feeling this way and considering this to be a major nuisance (it's even hard to drive when it happens), but everyone says the same thing, unless there is an "underlying heart condition" they are not a cause for concern. So how do you know if there is any "underlying heart condition"? No one seems to want to check into it further. Not my family doctor, and not the people at the hospital. Do I demand to see a cardiologist? How can they tell by a few small tests, for such a short period of time, that it is nothing? 

Has this ever happened to you? 


For more information about PVCs, check this link.


PS I really don't want to sound like a complainer. I know there are more horrible things going on in the world right now. My thoughts and prayers are with the people of Japan.

What Should A 4 Year Old Know?

This particular link is especially relevant to me because I am a parent of  a 4 yr old. It is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind of what needs to be done and where we need to go. I was so stressed this morning, trying not to be late for everything, that I got frustrated with my kids. I don't like that. I don't want to be a stressed out mom, always in a hurry, not taking time to play and go at the kids' pace. Parents often forget that their kids are people, who have their own thoughts and feeling and wants. They often don't want to rush out the door to go to the doctor's appointment, or rush to get to school. They like to go slow and they really don't need the stress of hurry, hurry, hurry. I rushed so much this morning for a meeting with my older child's psychiatrist, school therapist and key worker, only to be the first person there and everyone else was more late then me. I didn't need to stress out, I didn't need to get frustrated with my kids because they didn't hurry the way I wanted them to. It's me, and my worries about looking bad for being late, that puts those pressures on them and they don't need that. They have plenty of time when they are adults to worry about that kind of stuff. This article is a great reminder of what kids really need. Check it out:

http://www.magicalchildhood.com/articles/4yo.htm

 These are my monkeys at an Easter egg hunt at our local community center last year. They had lots of fun  : )